50 Posts, last published on Feb 19, 2011

OK. I'm a lousy Blogger.

The boy-child did survive-- quite heartily-- his gastro "spell."

I finally got on anti-depressants about a month later. Honestly, they do help a lot. Nope, I didn't immediately find a huge weight lifted off of my shoulder and felt compelled to sing my joy to the heavens. If THAT had happened, that would have been a bad thing and proved that I was bi-polar and needed something else entirely.

It's been a slow change. It has taken the edge off of some of my "bad" feelings. Has opened up a clear phone line between the part of my brain that knows the truth "life is actually good" and the part of my brain that whimpers loudly "I can't do anything." There's still much to do. I'm still marginally motivated, and spend too much time playing "stupid computer games."

But, it's getting better, little bit at a time.

Yea me.

Up to Three Now

I've been blessed, so far, that it's always happened at home. The second one came out in the morning this time last year, but this one happened before bed, like the first one.

Seven years old and my son only has three teeth gone. I know that I shouldn't compare him to other kids, but it seems like every other kid in his class has lost half a mouthful of teeth. Thinking about my own dental progress, I lost mine rather slowly as well, so there you go. It just seemed like I was losing a tooth every couple of months.

MLB doesn't react to unanticipated change very well. I could say "change" altogether, but I have gotten him used to the idea that some things in life are variable. This is a good thing to instill in an Aspie kid, but it's changes that are minor things in the ebb and flow a family life: one day dinner is at 5:30, another day it's at 7:00; one week there's a bath every night, and the next it's every other day.

Losing a tooth is a major change. For me, it seemed like I was always losing a tooth, because, as soon as it started loosening, I'd start wiggling it and worrying it. I'd use my finger or my tongue-- even the edge of my desk for my top incisors (I really wanted my 1st grade teacher Mrs. Woody to pull one of my teeth; everyone said she was the best at tooth pulling, and I didn't want to advance to 2nd grade without getting my chance.) There was always a loose tooth or lost tooth space in my mouth.

MLB won't let us know when his teeth are loose. We find out from his dentist which ones are wiggly. Wiggling his own teeth feels too weird to him. He won't say so, of course, but we know he doesn't like "weird" things. He very rarely even lets me wiggle a tooth to see its progress.

This one was a surprise, as usual. I knew his secondary lower incisors were loose; with those big ol' primary incisors coming in, they really had no chance. I'm surprised they stayed in this long, and that it's been a year since he lost his second tooth. His eating has been off and he's wanted things like his pizza & hot dogs cut up lately. I was hoping that these were clues that another tooth would come out soon.

The loose tooth did not keep him from crunching up a biscotti for dessert, which likely just set the stage...

MLB & I were reviewing his chore chart after he'd brushed his teeth. He was very excited, since he'd earned four more smiley stars to bring his total up to 32 (which means another hour of computer time & a family trip to carpet golf.) He was chewing on the strap of a toy camera while he was bouncing in excitement. Suddenly, "Oh, it came out!" I turned to see one hand clasped firmly over his mouth, and the other curled in a fist.

"Let me see," I requested. "Mmmfmmphn," was the reply. I held out my hand. "No, not your mouth. I mean your tooth." He tipped the tooth into my hand, which made all the better to clasp both hands over his mouth. There was much whimpering & anxiety, some tears. I was curious to know which side, but he wasn't ready to loosen up any more than what already loosened. We offered to call a grandmother, but he wasn't ready to even talk. He did think my suggestion of calming down while watching the end of "Land Before Time IV" was good. Ah, the panacea of TV.

When the credits were rolling, he was more comfortable with one less tooth. I was shown the space (left side.) He helped me with reading the Magic Treehouse book we've been working on. He even gladly talked with Babchu & Paw-paw on the phone and told them how he was looking forward to the Tooth Fairy bringing him two half-dollars.

Nuts to normal in less than 15 minutes. Some parts of growing up do get easier with time.

Why? (Don't ask Job.)

November 21, 2010 --- 3 months ago. 90 days to be exact.

"The Odd Couple." Wonderful. Fun to be acting again. The sinus crud that came with it, not so fun.

Christmastide. Wonderful. Fun to be with family & friends. The stress of getting everything done "just right," not so fun.

Snow on Christmas. And in January. And January again. Even February. Magical, enchanting, fun for the kids in all of us. The panic, constraints and out-of-whack schedules, not so fun.

Refinancing the house for a lower rate. Fun to anticipate the "raise" we're giving ourselves. The last minute ton of paperwork, not so fun.

Now it's Rummage Sale season again with the giggles shared with fellow parishioners, the joy of sorting through the toys in order to set them up to sell. We even have some charming vintage toys that I'm researching so to get the most money we can from them.

But we're sick again, a galloping sinus crud that started with my daughter, moved to my son, made a home with me, and is now plaguing my husband. The girl is better. My husband is not as pitiful as things like this have done him before. Me, I have low-grade fever that comes & goes. My boy, for him I'm very worried. He complained for a week of pain right where his sinuses are; with the damage from his cleft, an infection was very likely. But now, the antibiotics are making him too sick to keep any food or water down. I'm very worried. He has ADHD; the medicine makes him very un-hungry and revs his metabolism. He has Asperger's, and it makes him very odd about eating. He could not afford to not eat for more than a day. It's now been four days of food that barely stays in him long enough to do any good. He'll try to eat, and his energy will return, but then the cramping sets in & he wants to sleep. Throws up & then sleeps some more. I can now see the knots of his backbone, the planes of his hip bones. My one consolation is that he's not dehydrated. Yet. If he can't keep anything down tomorrow, I don't know where the rest of my month will go.

I have PLANS. I have important appointments this week about the boy's cleft management-- orthodontic consult & auditory check. I have the Rummage Sale in a week. I want to go on a date with my husband. I have my parents' old truck so I can get serious about some home-improvement. I went to open auditions today just to keep renewing my interest in theater. I.... I.....

I've started back with a mental health counselor. I have an appointment to finally see a psychiatrist; I want to start meds to fight this depression, to tell my mind to stop playing emotional tricks on me.

But I will give it all up to see my poor little boy get better. Really, really better.