Why? (Don't ask Job.)

November 21, 2010 --- 3 months ago. 90 days to be exact.

"The Odd Couple." Wonderful. Fun to be acting again. The sinus crud that came with it, not so fun.

Christmastide. Wonderful. Fun to be with family & friends. The stress of getting everything done "just right," not so fun.

Snow on Christmas. And in January. And January again. Even February. Magical, enchanting, fun for the kids in all of us. The panic, constraints and out-of-whack schedules, not so fun.

Refinancing the house for a lower rate. Fun to anticipate the "raise" we're giving ourselves. The last minute ton of paperwork, not so fun.

Now it's Rummage Sale season again with the giggles shared with fellow parishioners, the joy of sorting through the toys in order to set them up to sell. We even have some charming vintage toys that I'm researching so to get the most money we can from them.

But we're sick again, a galloping sinus crud that started with my daughter, moved to my son, made a home with me, and is now plaguing my husband. The girl is better. My husband is not as pitiful as things like this have done him before. Me, I have low-grade fever that comes & goes. My boy, for him I'm very worried. He complained for a week of pain right where his sinuses are; with the damage from his cleft, an infection was very likely. But now, the antibiotics are making him too sick to keep any food or water down. I'm very worried. He has ADHD; the medicine makes him very un-hungry and revs his metabolism. He has Asperger's, and it makes him very odd about eating. He could not afford to not eat for more than a day. It's now been four days of food that barely stays in him long enough to do any good. He'll try to eat, and his energy will return, but then the cramping sets in & he wants to sleep. Throws up & then sleeps some more. I can now see the knots of his backbone, the planes of his hip bones. My one consolation is that he's not dehydrated. Yet. If he can't keep anything down tomorrow, I don't know where the rest of my month will go.

I have PLANS. I have important appointments this week about the boy's cleft management-- orthodontic consult & auditory check. I have the Rummage Sale in a week. I want to go on a date with my husband. I have my parents' old truck so I can get serious about some home-improvement. I went to open auditions today just to keep renewing my interest in theater. I.... I.....

I've started back with a mental health counselor. I have an appointment to finally see a psychiatrist; I want to start meds to fight this depression, to tell my mind to stop playing emotional tricks on me.

But I will give it all up to see my poor little boy get better. Really, really better.