The dear ladies over at Southern Fried Snark presented a list of things NOT to give to your loved one (i.e., significant female other) on Valentine's Day. Heart-shaped jewelry, colored gemstones that have no birth-month significance, and inexpensive household appliance are a few things I do remember. Then my computer crashed; so I'm looking forward to the posting of the Feb. 11 episode, so I can hear what I missed.
I wonder if they included my all-time worst Valentine's Day gift?
A gun.
Now admittedly, Ronda@http://www.aisforaardvark.net/ has been asking for a Taser, but it's not the same as a gun. Armament and appliances are not romantic gifts. Some appliance have potential for romance (get your mind out of the gutter!) like an espresso machine, but a gun is never romantic. Except to crazy movie stereotypes, like Reba's in "Tremors."
Once upon a time, probably 20 years ago when I was young & crazy, but not that crazy, the guy I was dating gave me a gun. I'd finished up at Auburn the previous year, and it was his last year. I made big plans and flew down from Chicago to spend Valentine's Day with him. I was so excited to see him! And he was excited as well. He even wanted me to have my gift early. He and his roommate were so tickled to give me a new gun. A gun. Wasn't even wrapped. Just out there, with rounds, ready to drive down to the shooting range. Which we did. They kept saying that I'd love it if I just gave it a try. I already knew I wouldn't love it! It was a semi-automatic pistol, which I do not love. I have a hard time loading a clip, can't remember how many rounds I'd loaded, and then would lose count of rounds fired, which would inevitably lead to dry-firing which would cheese my boyfriend off. No, I did not like this gun. Even if I'd asked for a gun, I would have asked for a nice, small caliber revolver. And even if I'd uncharacteristically asked for a semi-auto, it would have been a lightweight Glock. Furthermore, I was flying back to Chicago in two days, and then what was I going to do with "my gift?" They'd thought of that; they'd keep it and take care of it for me, especially since "to take care of a gun" means to use it regularly.
To top off my total indignation, I'd been hinting that a new watch or a small portable stereo would be nice gifts. Obviously, he did not listen to me. I made him listen. After I'd pouted, cried, whined & threatened to go home early, they (not HE, THEY) agreed to "return" the gun, even though he'd lose money returning a used gun. Tough. You should have thought of that, and ASKED ME, before you went and did something that selfishly asinine. Yet even with the stinted cash from the return of the gun, there was enough money to buy me a nice, daily wear Timex and to take me out to dinner somewhere other than CheeburgerCheeburger, surprise, surprise.
Even more surprising was that it took me another two years to wise-up to the stark truth that this was not "the guy." The watch lasted until last year, when I'd finally wore out even a Timex. It was a nice, everyday, comfortable watch.
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Now for nice stories:
Best Valentine's Day pre-husband: Junior year of college, and I was unattached. A friend's neighbor had a crush on me and gave me a stuffed "Opus." Two friends sent me an SGA "Flowergram" anonymously, which lifted my spirits more than it messed with my mind. I also had a handful of friends give me cards, too. AND, it was Mardi Gras, and my church was hosting a dance. I'd never been to Prom, so this was my first formal, and I felt like a princess in my (borrowed) black dress, and then felt like Scarlet O'Hara being swept off her feet when I found my evening claimed by a mysterious Navy Captain in his dress-blacks. I could have danced all night.
Best Valentine's Day with husband: 2-way tie-- (1) Twelve years ago when he talked me into going out on a date with him, "But not because it was Valentine's Day," but because it was the first Friday I was free to date after a recent break-up. He'd been patiently waiting for me to recognize I'd chosen (yet again) the wrong guy. Scott showed up at my door with a dozen pink roses, which I adored! (Poor guy apologized that the store was out of red.) We went to eat at the Jade Palace; he'd wanted to take me to a romantic night at The Jazz Factory, but they were booked solid. (Just as well that we avoided the crowds and I was reassured that this guy liked Chinese food.) We also saw a movie, "As Good As It Gets," which has got to be the most unconventional date-movie ever. (But he's a bit methodical & I worked in the mental health field, so we needed a good laugh at ourselves.) All in all, it was a charming date, and I looked very forward to our second date.
(2) A year after our first date when he proposed to me during a picnic at Green Mountain.
Valentine's Day: 1st Date Anniversary, Proposal Anniversary, Half-year Wedding Anniversary (whole number is on Aug. 14), and a darn good reason for Chocolate. Not a bad set of reasons to celebrate.
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