I almost named my blog
"My 'Normal' Is Not Normal," but I was afraid I would attract the so-called "undesirable elements." (I've seen some of the freaky search terms that have tapped some other blogs I follow. Eww.) But really, my normal way of relating to my son, and thus my family & my community, is not normal. And it is far closer to normal than the lives of many of his peers' families.
As you may have noticed two weeks ago, I mentioned that my son has been diagnosed with ADHD and Asperger's Syndrome. If you don't know, Asperger's is a form of Autism. It is considered mild, and those that have it are often considered better able to express themselves, to interact with others & to be receptive to new experiences than those more severely afflicted autism.
It is still autism.
And it's not easy. Until this year, I found myself constantly apologizing for my son's behavior. Or lack of behavior. We were "kicked" out of 2 pre-schools because of his behavior, which was rather mild, considering. But from age 2 to 4, he needed constant redirecting. He needed patience and constant interaction if he was frustrated and acting inappropriately, sometimes hitting. He needed understanding & a safe place when he would "overload" in a sensory-auditory way and cover his ears & cry. As a little boy, he had special needs, but also a need to have friends, to play and to belong. Honestly, we almost got kicked out of MMO, as well, but then his regular teacher Miss Emma returned from personal leave & championed for him. Bless her! She is wonderful, and understands that kids are kids, and some more-so than others.
No one knows why some kids have autism. They are looking more and more at genetic links. He has one cousin who is autistic. Some other family members, in hindsight, seems to have autism-like behaviors & beliefs. They are looking at auto-immune triggers, which would explain why some kids "get" autism after immunizations. My son seems to have a strong immune response. But then, I think he was born the was he was, the way God made him. He always seemed to "run away" from the doppler & ultrasounds while I was carrying him. He would "shut down" when he was held by strangers as a newborn. He hated tummy-time, and most TV programs, and had a hard time being alone or in the dark. At about 7 or 8 months, he stopped holding eye-contact with me. I'd ask, "Is my son OK? Does he have autism?" and I was told I was just worrying: little boys who like car-rides, like to be held by their moms, will eat different foods and are self-taught readers by age 3 aren't autistic. I did have the city school system test him at age 3, but all I got was a generalized diagnosis of PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder). I was given the impression that he was different but that he was too young, too articulate & too social to diagnose for sure if he had autism. Maybe he'd out-grow this.
ARGGGGGGG!!!!!
So this is my "Friday Favorite:" That my son and his autism are out there, in the open. When we were asked to leave the second preschool (where he'd made tons of social progress,) it was on the basis that my son had a diagnosis of PDD and that PDD is on the autism spectrum and the school was not able to handle "special needs" kids. What?????? So I had him re-tested at age 5 through the city schools; based on reports of his behaviors from the preschool & me, they concluded that he did seem to carry a diagnosis of autism, specifically Asperger's. Testing by a private psychologist confirmed it in writing, along with a diagnosis of ADHD-combined type.
Finally, we were getting answers as to why my son was friendly, but didn't seem to have friends. Why he could play, but not very well with others. Why he was creative in an innovative way, but not in an imaginative/artistic way. Why certain things really bothered him to a freaking out point, but not others. Why he could just fixate on needing things "a certain way" to the point of hysteria if we didn't comply. Why he had a mania for numbers.
It's just him. His own, usually sweet, often special, self. Which has autism.
I apologize less. It's not my fault. I didn't raise him wrong. If anything, my "controlled chaos" has helped him be better able to adjust and be flexible. And I anticipate situations that could bring out the worst in him, and mitigate the circumstances.
He's on Focalin for his ADHD, which helps immensely with his thought-process & his behavior self-perception. He is becoming more aware & responsible for his actions, albeit a few years behind his age-peers.
He is in Mrs. Bowling's wonderful special-ed class just for autism at Challenger Elementary. It's a "safe place" when he's out of sorts. It's a place where he can step back and learn social-stories and develop an intellectual idea of sympathy, and an intuitive empathy that he seemed to previously lack.
He's done so well in his personal growth, that he spends all day in his regularly assigned kindergarten class, and his classmates are glad to have him around. (Gosh, I'm crying as I type that part.)
He is doing just as my husband and often said was our hope for him-- finding his own special place in the world. It's not the idea of "normal" we'd envisioned, but we're growing and adjusting, too.
April is "Autism Awareness Month." ("A" for April & Autism; you can remember that.) The logo for many autism groups is multi-colored puzzle pieces, because it is a spectrum disorder (from mild to profound) and, well, we're still putting all the pieces together. But with lots of support & understanding, we'll help everyone with autism find his or her own special place. Some say it's under-diagnosed because of a lack of awareness; some say it's over-diagnosed because it's trendy. I say I'm glad it's diagnosed, I'm glad that the treatments run the spectrum as well, and I'm glad I have a chance to make you aware.
In less that an hour, Huntsville Mayor Tommy Battle will be at my son's school to officially proclaim April as Autism Awareness Month in the City of Huntsville. Tomorrow, my family will join hundred of others at the Annual Walk for Autism. Will you wear some blue to shed a special light on this, too? (Bonus-- blue is my favorite color.)
