Love Is.... Self-care

Self-care is not blogging when I'm tired and really have nothing to say.

Self-care is turning out the light when my husband asks,
because we do like actually sleeping together.

Self-care is owning up to being a night-owl and just going with it.

Self-care is admitting 5am hurts.  And naps are nice.

Self-care is a shower.

Self-care is eating an apple, instead of saving them for others.

Self-care can be going ahead and pigging out on my favorite junk food.

Self-care is happily cooking a meal.

Self-care is asking to be taken out for a meal.

Self-care is taking care of things on my to-do list.

Self-care is taking it easy after a busy-do day.

Self-care is accepting compliments and understanding and love.

Even from myself.

Hither & Yon

Today was mostly spent driving.

Tuesday is chock-full of after-school activities.  OK, dance lesson for DLG & piano for MLB, but that's plenty.  We do not believe in over-scheduling anyone.

Midday, I drove all the way over to my mom's house to retrieve DLG's coat, and to bring back my vanity/desk from my childhood.  The piece looks lovely in her room.  I think I will go to Costco to get her some lighter colored shelves.  Then, it's on to figuring out how to fit my old double bed in her room.

Maybe we'll just commandeer her brother's room.  Boys don't need much space.

Steady as She Goes

Still plowing through my To Do List.  It contains between 20-25 items.  As some come off, I add others.  Some adds are emerging things; some are things that I've put off long enough.

Maybe by summer I can get it down to a reasonable 10-item as-needed list.



Nah.

We Have Seen

Today, January 6, is the Feast of the Epiphany.  This year the actual feast day fell on a Sunday, which was very convenient for us Americans.

We celebrate the revealing of the Christ to the world when wisemen from the east came in search of the new king whose star they saw rise.

More amazing than their trek is their acceptance that the king was a suckling child of humble birth.

We rarely accept things as they appear to us.  We look for the "angle," for the falsehoods, for the traps.  We expect more and are disappointed when that's all there is.

My kids-- God bless them, because He blessed me with them-- find delight in the here and now.  They have learned to be dazzled by the wonders of everyday:  a spider, a book, lunch.

I brought them Three King's Day gifts.

Nothing big.  Just stuff I found post-holiday clearance.  My son was excited to see his tin held holiday magnets; he barely saw the chocolate coins (a kid fave) below those.  My daughter didn't even open her tin; she was all about her emoji-poo squishy.  And both of them were amazed at the size of the gumballs.  My 14yo & (almost) 10yo were excited about $5 of stuff.  They accepted and rejoiced.

I pray that the Lord keeps them full of gratitude and wonder.  I pray the Lord reminds me always to be thankful and joyful.

Setting Priorities

Today I feel both disappointed with myself, and satisfied with myself.

I'm disappointed because I did not help with the ballet studio's Winter Open House and Rummage Sale.  During The Nutcracker performances, I'd made plans to help out (despite my own misgivings of planning & organizing a rummage sale 10 days after Christmas.)  But then, as evidenced by yesterday, life caught up with me.

That, and I needed to reassemble my dryer vent.

So the dryer vent is one of the banes of my existence.
THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH IT!
(1)  The inadequate roof vent is clogged with 10-year-old matted lint.
(2)  And we don't own a ladder tall enough to reach the lowest eave.
(3)  The conduit from the floor to the roof is about 20 feet.
(4)  It slopes the last 9 feet.
(5)  The interior conduit is, I believe, repurposed rectangular downspout.
       Because that fits within the framing.
       As opposed to making the framing fit round conduit.
(6)  So. Not. Code.  (Wait!  The county has no codes!  Ha-ha!)
(7)  I need to fit a 12.5 sq.in. round peg into a 6 sq.in. rectangle hole.
(8)  That's off-center.


A few visuals:


This is the vent opening, and the repurposed downspout.

This is my dear, sweet, up-to-code, UL certified dryer.

Quite the mis-match, eh?

I bought an arsenal of things that might make a connection that can easily be removed & cleaned, that would be less likely to catch lint.

And I ended up using what I had removed.  It had been cobbled together by the last tech to work on my dryer.

I don't work by the hour or by the job, so I was able to take time to securely reassemble the parts and to use vent tape to smooth it all out.  After I had to cut the connector piece in order to make a truer 90-degree bend, the round conduit fitting was more of a 3.5 than 4 inch diameter.  Luckily, I had a true duct connector (both ends crimped, a pair of tightening belts included,) which created the transition I needed.  It made the unit stick out an extra 3-4 inches, but Carley was able to figure out a way to get back there and gather up the slack on the flexible conduit so it could be back in its original position.

So I'll see how it holds up, and how soon I'll need to clean the conduits.

Someone said that charity begins at home.  I believe the intent was that charity is first modeled in the home.  Mrs. March took it a step further when she entreated her girls Meg, Jo, Beth, and Amy to concentrate their efforts at care and helpfulness with each other first.  Or as my husband reminds me, you can't pour from an empty bucket.

I truly missed spending time with my fellow ballet-moms.  I consider them friends, not co-members.  But I do need to take care of myself and my family first, so I can give more of myself when I do have the time.

Recovery Day

I was lazy today.  In-between all of my busy-ness for the past 3 days and the weather front that came in, I found myself very sleepy.  So I slept almost all day.

How lazy?  I'm typing this on the 5th & back-posting.
(Hey, I mentally composed this on the 4th.)

Training

I saw a beautiful horse today near the house.  Its coat glowed in the overcast weather; its head arched to display its braided mane; it stood perfectly poised.  I asked the young man if he needed to cross the road, but he said no.  As I drove past, it occurred to me that he must be tempering his show-horse to  distractions-- traffic, people, weather.  Horse and rider, patient & still with each other.

My own selfishness can be a distraction.  I play way too many games on my tablet; I take too many naps; I try to get away with as few responsibilities as possible.

I need to train myself, need to be well tempered.

Stayed busy enough today.  Got my list down to 20 items.

2019. Day 2.

I did not take a nap today.  I did prepare and enjoy 3 nutritious meals today.  I did complete a handful or two of tasks from my list, while adding a few new tasks.

Do To List now stands at....... 24 items.

Yay me.

But, here's a resolution we can all support:

(Life is short, eat the donut.)

Hello 2019

My To-Do list has  25 things on it. Had to make a list, otherwise I'd forget to do them. Like I have for the past few months while either stressing, depressing, or over extending with kid-related volunteer projects.

Mom-life. Oh, look. More stuff.

Xmas and Away

This was Christmas:

This last picture is why I used LITTLE trees placed high.

Both cats thought our Christmas tree was their cat tree. And one was eating the branch tips.

(Obviously, this smallest tree had to put up high, too.)

Christmas morning was lovely & fun. Santa had no problem snipping through the zip-ties on the fireplace curtains (since if Santa can come down the chimney, curious cats could go up,) and then re-securing them.

But, two weeks after Epiphany, it all looks tired and ready to sleep.

I'm only about halfway done; still need to stow the trees and the kids' ornaments. Taking down Christmas always makes me a bit sad. But it needs to be done.

Otherwise, how on Earth could I look forward to this coming Christmas! New shiny things!!!

Weighty Matters

This has moved into the bedroom.

Carl is ready to up the ante.

When he's not giving due time to this taskmaster:

Maybe I'll get some leg work in. If our fuzzy overlords will let me.

Medicating Mommy

After a somewhat taxing Holiday season, I have to admit that it's time to up my depression meds.  I've been resisting it.  I've been rather pleased and relieved that I have been getting by on a very low dose of Celexa: only 20mg at night for the past 7 or so years.

But this last bout of PMS has convinced me that I need to finally up it a bit. I had accidentally taken two pills last Tuesday. I wasn't sure if I'd taken my pill, so I took it (again.) It would have been worse to skip it all together, than to double up. The worst that would happen if I doubled up is I would clench my jaw. Without it, I'd clench anyway, AND be even more out-of-it.

Wednesday was the only day last week I felt good.

Before I'd even started on my meds years ago, (which I had resisted beginning until I had made sure that I was done having kids and that everyone else's health needs, especially MLB's, were attended to,) I knew my moods were quite attenuated to my menstrual cycle. I was started on the 20mg dose, and after an about 5-week adjustment period, found that I had more energy and less needless stress and better sleep. I was thrilled that I only needed a tweak; I'd known of too many others' long searches for the right dosing. I had the usual initial side-effects of thirst, somnolence and fogginess, all of which passed. The one side effect that never truly passed, and has always been an odd one, is that I involuntarily clench my jaw when my med/serotonin level changes.

After all of this time, I've noticed that my week of PMS has been getting "draggier." I tried having my meds "cycle" with my cycle: 20mg for a week, 10mg for a week during ovulation (I'm euthymic then,) 20mg again for a week, and then up to 30mg for PMS week. But with all of that constant changing, my jaw stayed tight. Also, my cycles aren't precise weeks. It wasn't worth the effort.

I've been having more "rumination" before I sleep. (Night-owl, night-thinker-- runs in the family.) My psychiatrist, last year, suggested upping my meds. I declined, because I believe science is still trying to determine how an SSRI might permanently change the brain. While the results of coming off an SSRI are not officially categorized as "withdrawal" as if one was coming off some other meds, it has still been noted that discontinuing must be done slowly and that many people do not fully adjust to life without an SSRI, or at least not quickly. Since I plan to be on this the rest of life (unless menopause gives me a radical overhaul,) I have been concerned about "maxing out." I am at a point that I have adequate experience and family support to ride-out those outlier emotional collapses, and to not get in a tizzy about day-to-day stuff. I've done well.

But, I have to admit, it's been time to up it. So I've been on 30mg for the past few days. Again, sleepy and clenching my jaw, but both will pass soon. I'm feeling a bit more together. We'll see if I need to stay here or bump it up again.

Life is too short to not have one's head in the game.

Falling Behind

So I've gone up on my unofficial, unannounced 2017 plan of writing (blogging) everyday.

Even trying to keep things simple, trying to avoid lengthy essays, I simply haven't essayed.

I'm only a week off, so catching up with two entries a day for a week shouldn't be hard?

Right????

Ugh.

I hate PMS.

A Boy and His Trophy

I got to visit MLB's Math Team meeting today, and got some good pictures.

These might also be used on the website or the yearbook. (Their team photographer wasn't able to get a school camera that afternoon.) I'm rather proud of that boy!

I was also able to acquire the updated info on the remaining math events for the year, and sign a permission slip for him to go on a field trip to see the cyber students and their BIG computers at UAH. All in all a productive afternoon. But, I am the Mom.

"Jesus, our Good Shepherd, we call upon You for the continued well-being of our Parish. Help us in this our time of need. Make our parish a family of one heart and mind towards you. Grant that our common life and work may be an example to all about us. Guide our Bishop and his assistants in their discernment. Hear us now, in this our time of special need; send Your continued graces upon us and bring to a happy solution the situation that confronts us.  Dearest Mother Mary, we ask you to assist us and to be our advocate for the continued spiritual and physical growth and well-being of our Parish. We make our prayer in the name of Jesus, Our Lord and Savior.   Amen."

(Follow this prayer with 3 Hail Marys; 1 Our Father)

"Hail! Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.  Amen."

"Hail! Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.  Amen."

"Hail! Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.  Amen."

"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.  Amen."

Excursions

Today was a "jam packed" day. Wish it was blackberry jam on a toasty English muffin, but we made it work.

~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~

First off was MLB's second math tournament of the year. Carlos drove them both to The Alabama School of Fine Arts in Birmingham.

For an 8am sign in.

It was a long day before we even woke up.

The plan was to wake up by 5am; Carl & I woke at 4am. DLG, who didn't even HAVE to be up before, say 9am?, was all "Good morning!" at 4:30. (Ugh.) MLB had to hauled out of bed at 5. While Carl was exercising and getting ready, I was nagging MLB. And trying to feed him breakfast; because at the last minute, because MLB was dragging, the biscuit-on-the-road plan had to be eighty-sixed.

But with the guys successfully set upon their road, I left DLG with Minecraft and I headed back to bed. For all of 90 minutes. They arrived in downtown Birmingham, and needed further intel ASAP! To state I was disoriented would have been understated.

MLB got to witness social-skills lessons from the passenger-side seat.

I should not assume that all directions are clear and all information is readily apparent. I had found a schedule for Carl of the tournament events; I sent him the event link. But as this school is in the heart of downtown, it does not have free, on-campus parking, nor can it set out a trail of helpful signs. We are accustomed to these amenities at most school events we attend. So Carl was forced to pay for use of a parking garage, and was "blessedly sent" other student groups he was able to follow to the registration lobby.

Carl should not lose his temper when he is uncomfortable. He yelled at me quite a bit after he found out that a paid parking garage beside the school was his best option. In sympathy, I have to acknowledge that they had to drive through dense fog, that they had not yet heard from the the Math Team sponsor who was on the team bus, and that MLB just really doesn't have what it takes to ride shotgun.

But, at this point I ought to say "all's well that ends well," since they connected with the team in plenty of time, MLB was registered to take his written test and was scheduled to start off the ciphering rounds, and Carl watched a proud and confident MLB go off to do his thing.

I ought to.  But, it didn't QUITE end well. MLB thought he did ok with the test, despite feeling like he didn't answer the tie-breakers correctly. Snack time was tasty. Ciphering started off ok, but he started getting out his answers slower than the other competitors, and THEN...... he forgot to present the 4th answer altogether, even though he knew he had a correct answer. He soldiered on and completed the final 5th question, and then gave his seat over to his round-two teammate. But in the hubbub, he lost it. Slow tears at first, then choked sobs, to finally soft wails as Carl gently lead him from the auditorium. As usual, his coach and his teammates showed their concern for him (they adore him so, and wouldn't deride him!) Carl got MLB to calm down, and his coach got him to laugh. They finished watching the ciphering.

But the long day was DONE. MLB agreed that the idea of skipping the awards and coming home would be good. Now, it's "all's well!" MLB & Carl talked about how each of them reacted to "adversity" that day, how they did well and how they could do better. They feasted for lunch at Pizza Hut. And on the trip home, the did get a message from the coach.

MLB won Third Place individual in his Algebra Division!

Awesome!!!!!!

~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~

"Meanwhile, back at the ranch......"

I tried to go back to sleep, but it was no use. Even as understanding as I was, I was still miffed. And tired. I chucked my plans to help pull costumes that morning for the Fairy Tale ballet. I kinda chucked any & all plans to do anything, really. Except for the Birthday Party. DLG was scheduled to go to a friend's party that afternoon. She and I just wore our pajamas and played computer games until the guys got home. Then we girls got the present wrapped, the card signed, our clothes put on, and went. Honestly, I wasn't in the mood, but this group was a low-key, hang-out bunch, so I was glad to make little girls happy. It was fun to watch DLG and her pals LITERALLY bounce around the place--- the party was held at The Matrix Gym (wall-to-wall trampolines, mats and balance beams.)

But a cupcake does not a dinner make. (Start, yes. Complete, no.) Poor DLG was so envious that they guys had pizza for lunch. She wanted pizza. Who doesn't?

Yeah, somebody took a selfie at Big Eds. Even though the guys didn't bring US home any leftovers, we brought them some. MLB-- pizza, Round 2.

~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~

Ah, home again, home again, jiggedy-jog!

"Jesus, our Good Shepherd, we call upon You for the continued well-being of our Parish. Help us in this our time of need. Make our parish a family of one heart and mind towards you. Grant that our common life and work may be an example to all about us. Guide our Bishop and his assistants in their discernment. Hear us now, in this our time of special need; send Your continued graces upon us and bring to a happy solution the situation that confronts us.  Dearest Mother Mary, we ask you to assist us and to be our advocate for the continued spiritual and physical growth and well-being of our Parish. We make our prayer in the name of Jesus, Our Lord and Savior.   Amen."

(Follow this prayer with 3 Hail Marys; 1 Our Father)

"Hail! Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.  Amen."

"Hail! Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.  Amen."

"Hail! Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.  Amen."

"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.  Amen."

Friday the 13

Ok. So that happened. Yeah, has never bothered me. My mom was born on the 13th, so she considers it her lucky number. MLB says it's his favorite prime number. DLG has been assigned it as her classroom bin number.

I think I even forgot, for a moment, that it has been Friday. Silly me.



"Jesus, our Good Shepherd, we call upon You for the continued well-being of our Parish. Help us in this our time of need. Make our parish a family of one heart and mind towards you. Grant that our common life and work may be an example to all about us. Guide our Bishop and his assistants in their discernment. Hear us now, in this our time of special need; send Your continued graces upon us and bring to a happy solution the situation that confronts us.  Dearest Mother Mary, we ask you to assist us and to be our advocate for the continued spiritual and physical growth and well-being of our Parish. We make our prayer in the name of Jesus, Our Lord and Savior.   Amen."

(Follow this prayer with 3 Hail Marys; 1 Our Father)

"Hail! Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.  Amen."

"Hail! Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.  Amen."

"Hail! Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.  Amen."

"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.  Amen."

Hot Water

I am thankful for my new water heater, the good guys at Scott Plumbing that got the job done (and replaced the failed PRV that had likely hastened the heater's demise,) and for my husband who trusted me to handle this.

Carl cooked dinner for us; he commented that I must be tired from all the work I did. That baffled me-- what work? I didn't clean the house, I didn't garden, I just moved stuff away from the heater in the garage and then moved it back. Oh, yeah, I guess I did do work. That area also holds our riding lawn mower and the weight-disks to go with the bench. I guess I must have have shifted a few hundred pounds (admittedly in 15# or less loads, or with wheels, but still.) There was much sweeping, dusting and cobweb bashing.

I'm still surprised when I adult.



"Jesus, our Good Shepherd, we call upon You for the continued well-being of our Parish. Help us in this our time of need. Make our parish a family of one heart and mind towards you. Grant that our common life and work may be an example to all about us. Guide our Bishop and his assistants in their discernment. Hear us now, in this our time of special need; send Your continued graces upon us and bring to a happy solution the situation that confronts us.  Dearest Mother Mary, we ask you to assist us and to be our advocate for the continued spiritual and physical growth and well-being of our Parish. We make our prayer in the name of Jesus, Our Lord and Savior.   Amen."

(Follow this prayer with 3 Hail Marys; 1 Our Father)

"Hail! Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.  Amen."

"Hail! Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.  Amen."

"Hail! Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.  Amen."

"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.  Amen."

Changed Plans

I am postponing tonight's planned blog topic to bring you this news:

We need to replace our 14yo water heater; which explains the power bill spike, running water sounds, and pathetically short shower times.

That is all. And good night.




"Jesus, our Good Shepherd, we call upon You for the continued well-being of our Parish. Help us in this our time of need. Make our parish a family of one heart and mind towards you. Grant that our common life and work may be an example to all about us. Guide our Bishop and his assistants in their discernment. Hear us now, in this our time of special need; send Your continued graces upon us and bring to a happy solution the situation that confronts us.  Dearest Mother Mary, we ask you to assist us and to be our advocate for the continued spiritual and physical growth and well-being of our Parish. We make our prayer in the name of Jesus, Our Lord and Savior.   Amen."

(Follow this prayer with 3 Hail Marys; 1 Our Father)

"Hail! Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.  Amen."

"Hail! Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.  Amen."

"Hail! Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.  Amen."

"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.  Amen."

Quiet Day

The wind blew all day. It's raining now. My kids have chattered every chance they got. I was non-stop with in-town errands, homework assistance, dinner making.

I got done what I intended to do. I had a lovely lunch. I feel sleepy. And loved. And content.

Being able to drift off without my mind racing at the end of the day is a quiet day.




"Jesus, our Good Shepherd, we call upon You for the continued well-being of our Parish. Help us in this our time of need. Make our parish a family of one heart and mind towards you. Grant that our common life and work may be an example to all about us. Guide our Bishop and his assistants in their discernment. Hear us now, in this our time of special need; send Your continued graces upon us and bring to a happy solution the situation that confronts us.  Dearest Mother Mary, we ask you to assist us and to be our advocate for the continued spiritual and physical growth and well-being of our Parish. We make our prayer in the name of Jesus, Our Lord and Savior.   Amen."

(Follow this prayer with 3 Hail Marys; 1 Our Father)

"Hail! Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.  Amen."

"Hail! Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.  Amen."

"Hail! Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.  Amen."

"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.  Amen."